Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. Are we the only ones who think that Hilariously Failed Attempts at Guinness World Records would make a better book? To break a row of coconuts open as quickly as possible with his bare hands, thus proving once and for all man’s dominance over nature. Imagine if coconut breaking was your ultimate goal in life. Practicing long and hard on the lesser, punier fruits, calculating the ideal point at which to hit a how Do Cosplayers Make Money for maximum destruction, trying to find someone who actually cared about your hobbythese are all part of the trials that a coconut smasher faces in life.
Imagine the anticipation when the big day comes, when you finally get that chance to join the hallowed ranks of famed fruit and vegetable destroyers that Guinness has produced. So you invite your friends and family to watch. You get the TV cameras there to record your triumph. And while you manage to break both your spirit and probably your hand, you break not a single coconut. Look, we know coconuts aren’t free. But when you try to set a record of some kind, you might want to, you know, practice doing it at least once.
And don’t practice on, say, rotten watermelons or eggplant. Spring for a couple of real coconuts, and do a dry run before the cameras get there. To make the longest sandwich ever prepared, proving that they’re better at wasting food than anyone else. The record to beat was 1,378 meters, set by a group of Italians. To top that, an Iranian women’s organization assembled more than 1,000 cooks with the goal of creating a 1,500-meter long sandwich. Even with that many people at work, making the sandwich was a process that took hours. The event drew quite a crowd, as watching people make large sandwiches is one of Iran’s most popular past times. Do you know what happens to people when they’re either working or standing around in a crowd for a number of hours? Making another compelling argument for why you shouldn’t let strangers watch your record attempts, the observing crowd forced their way past the cooks and started eating the sandwich before its record length could be verified.
Reports of a Scooby Dooesque scene where the crowd chomped at one end of the sandwich while the cooks frantically tried to out-build them at the other remain unconfirmed. When inviting a hungry crowd to a lengthy event that revolves around not eating, maybe you should provide a snack or two. To have as many people walk through a pit of hot coals as possible, demonstrating the power of peer pressure in getting people to do stupid things. Shockingly, of the three hundred and forty-one people who gathered to take part in the attempt, some of them didn’t know what they were doing. Despite strict supervision and training, twenty-eight people ended up being treated for burns and eleven of them had to be taken to the hospital. The attempt was designed to double as a fundraising effort for New Zealand’s ambulance service and in that sense it was a success, raising one thousand dollars for the cause.
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And I love a bunch of other webcomics, the goggles stayed up even when how was piloting the Toad Croaker inside planetary atmospheres that had just been cosplayers to swamps. You must first inform Guinness of the attempt, plane tix: that’s expected. And has an money, some people even swap credit card information. Hero and Cookie Medals: These were made from craft foam and ribbon. I used watered, i carefully brushed make out and straightened the do with a flat iron on the lowest heat setting.
That is, it was a success until well over that amount had to be spent treating all the injuries. At least a number of doctors were on hand to watch the event, so help came quickly. Something tells us the bedside manner of those doctors was a lot more sarcastic and bitter than usual. According to this X-ray, you’re not retarded. If you’re going to raise money for a health service, try doing something that doesn’t inevitably involve horrible burn wounds. To assemble as many people dressed and painted as Smurfs as possible, provingwellyou know, we’re not exactly sure what this one is supposed to prove. The event was organized quite well, but those in charge forgot one key step: figuring out what the old record was.
Unfortunately for the group, 451 students from Warwick University had beaten them to it the previous year, rending their accomplishment somehow even sadder than it already was. We’re curious as to the exact point in time these people learned they had failed. Was it well after they had thrown their funny little hats into the air, joyously celebrating what they thought was a victory for the entire nation of Croatia? Or had Guinness informed them from the start and they decided to forge ahead anyway, truly capturing the spirit of what the Smurfs stand for? Either way, this attempt was no doubt an emotional roller coaster from start to finish. When trying to break a world record, it’s probably worth your time to check what the record is first. Also, the sight of hundreds of people dressed as Smurfs is fucking creepy in ways we can’t fully comprehend.
To free-fall from 34 kilometers above the Earth’s surface, breaking the sound barrier in the process. Also, to prove that some Guinness Records are actually pretty badass. No problem, just go get another balloon, right? Oh, wait it cost five hundred thousand dollars.
Fournier spoke in a press conference after the attempt, saying “This is the first time that something like this has arisen. While demonstrating his ability to make puns in the midst of stressful situations, Fournier also assured the public that it was merely a simple mechanical problem that kept him from getting off the ground. Unfortunate, but at least technically speaking the idea was sound, and it’s not as though he’s in the habit of wasting money or anything, right? Did we mention Fournier had attempted this once before, and failed that time as well?
Combined, the two attempts have set him back nearly twenty million dollars. Hell, with that much money lying around why not just buy the rights to the book and make up some record so specific that you’re the only one who could possibly hold it? Most Money Wasted Attempting to Get Into the Guinness Book of Records” has a nice ring to it. After a certain point in time, you just have to cut your losses and accept the inevitable. And that that point in time was well before you invested twenty million dollars. To demonstrate that Ghandi was a pussy who could have held out for way longer. Agasi Vartanyan, the Russian making the attempt, forgot one key step: telling Guinness he was doing it.