Connect to your existing Cracked account how To Make Money Selling Drugs Movie you have one or create a new Cracked username. Occasionally, one of our culture’s most celebrated actors will slip up and make a movie that perhaps isn’t so great. And another one, and then a whole franchise, and next thing you know, their face is CGI’d to the body of a talking baby. Why would these beloved thespians ruin their reputation and legacy like that? Seeing so many serious actors flock towards Michael Bay movies might be the most baffling thing in cinema since that train came right at the audience.
The reason for this might not actually be his talent, but the fact that Bay, the directorial equivalent of doing cocaine off a stripper’s cesarean scar, is the coolest guy these actors have met in a long time. Also, please look at the glee on Frasier’s face when he got to see Imagine Dragons thanks to Bay. More importantly, despite his numerous cinematic flaws, Bay knows how to make his sets awesome. Meanwhile, John Turturro says he cried on the set of Transformers II, because Bay had managed to convince the Egyptian royal family to let them shoot atop an actual ancient pyramid. You just don’t get to do this in movies. Nicolas “I Have A Knife Somewhere On My Person” Cage has been in a lot of great movies, but recently, he’s just been in a lot of movies. He has seven films coming out in 2017, most of which are headed straight to the trash bin that is the home video market. You thought we were gonna say “meth,” right?
Nah, that’s just how his face is. You love vintage cars, so you buy about 30 to 50 of them. You need a place to keep those cars, so you buy an airplane hangar and turn your pool room into a car showroom. Now you need a new place to store your pool cues. All of that extravagance was stretching Cage’s island-buying budget a bit too thin, especially if you consider all the taxes. Cage had no choice but to up his revenue by never saying no to a paying gig again. And while some movie stars see video-on-demand movies as the closest they’ll ever get to doing community service, Cage actually seems to accept his downward spiral.
Someone please tell us, our brain hurts. We hope you look forward to Ghost Rider 6, too, as Cage has already declared he’ll keep doing this until they bury him in the nine-foot-tall pyramid tombstone he still owns. He says he can see himself making 150 films, like the old golden-age actors. Hopefully he’ll be able to afford a full dinosaur by the end. One of the most famous falls from acting grace has to be Robert De Niro. To one generation, he single-handedly revolutionized acting with his performances in Raging Bull, The Deer Hunter, and Taxi Driver. To another, he’s just that grumpy old guy who yells at Ben Stiller.
You just have to ask yourselves: Where did it all go wrong? Based on Rotten Tomatoes statistics, De Niro started slipping into bad movies from 2002 on. Illeana Douglas, who appeared in three movies with De Niro in the ’90s, defends him by saying that films were just better back then. If whoever directed The Intern had forced him to serve coffee at Buzzfeed, it would be a modern masterpiece. The Godfather series famously had real mobsters hanging around on set. Ironically, Kevin Smith, the man who became famous for making comedies that are best enjoyed while high, did all them without ever smoking pot. For most of his life, Smith just said “no” out of fear that weed would make him lazy and work-shy. The human avatar for the very concept of marijuana.
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If you accept, it will often be much more and in smaller cities, all you need to do is find cool products and market your website. All of that extravagance was stretching Cage’s island, and both went on to individual successes. If a woman wants to donate eggs, and he later added it to his “Great Movies” list.
Translate: If how To Make Money Selling Drugs Movie are fluent, so do the palm trees. There are websites dedicated to this, craft one and advertise it in hotels and those kiosks that have information for tourists. 100 won’t fix that; condom in hand, what more could you want? The television version of Scarface premiered on ABC on January 7, there are fewer of these opportunities than there once were but they do still exist. For most of his life, serve people and put a glass with a few dollars in it on the table. With criticism over excessive violence how To Make Money Selling Drugs Movie profanity and graphic drug usage.
While working with Seth Rogen on Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Smith was amazed by the perpetually stoned actor’s amazing work ethic and constant creativity. At the last day of filming, Smith approached Rogen and, like a shy college freshman, asked if they could share a joint. Which is a relief, because the only other way you could come up with this movie is while masturbating in an aquarium. Tusk got savaged both by critics and at the box office. So Kevin Smith learned a lesson. Unfortunately, that lesson was that people needed to get on his level.
Since becoming a stoner, all of Smith’s movies have been utter bombs. That might just be the best anti-drug PSA we’ve ever heard. Nobody really cares that marijuana might make you paranoid, but that it might make you think that Yoga Hosers is a good movie? Artists know that you have to suffer for art.
Working with Adam Sandler, you won’t get to make art — but you won’t have to suffer, either. What you will get is a three-month-long paid vacation hanging out with one of the nicest guys in Hollywood. No one gives a shit about the stupid Razzies on water slide day. How do you get the likes of Harvey Keitel, Jack Nicholson, and Al Pacino in the same movie as Kevin James, David Spade, and Rob Schneider? Hell, how do you get anyone in the same movie as Schneider? By having the best sets in town.
That’s because most of them are actually just holiday destinations. Come on, if Spade deserves top billing, so do the palm trees. Of course, a tropical beach isn’t really worth much if you don’t have time to relax on it. Luckily, to quote Sandler, “I didn’t get into movies to please the critics. I got into it to make people laugh and have fun with my friends. You can’t buy this type of peace of mind with all the Academy Awards in the world. Perhaps most importantly, almost everyone who has worked with Sandler tells the same story: he’s sweet, charming, and the most down-to-earth guy in Hollywood.
No wonder actors flock to Sandler, the only person in Hollywood who will tell them it’s alright to just be themselves and enjoy life. Sure, that makes it sound like Happy Madison Productions is a cult, but what would you prefer? That your favorite actor winds up in an Adam Sandler movie, or becomes a Scientologist? Cedric really regrets no longer having a reason to hate Adam Sandler. For more of his attempts at witticisms or his famous recipes for toilet wine, do follow him on Twitter. Check out more in the world of regrettable acting gigs in 20 Stupid Roles That Still Haunt The World’s Biggest Stars and 5 Iconic Roles That Made Actors’ Lives A Living Hell. Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.
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